i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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