mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
