the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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