that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
