I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize