Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
