New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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