On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
