i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize