sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
