I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
