I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
