I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
