There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
