I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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