Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
