My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
