You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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