Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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