So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
