is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
