Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
