In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
