just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
