His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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