so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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