do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
