I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
