put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
