I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I could make wine with my vomit
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
