Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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