I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize