is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
