If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
