bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
