We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
