I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
