i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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