zippers are such a cool invention
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
