when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
