So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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