I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
