I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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