uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
