Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
