I just saw a hot homeless man
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
