you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
