I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish my penis had an off switch
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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