You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
