some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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