could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
