I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize