So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
