either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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