No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
