Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize