I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
