all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize