Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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