He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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