I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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