just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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