rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
