if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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