I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
