Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
