I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize