Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
