I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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