Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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