i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
