theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
