Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
