Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
