i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I cannot find my penis.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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