I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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