There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
