cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
