I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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