She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
