how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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