No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
