What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
