Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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