I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
people are starting to question the shark bite story
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize